It's Summer Again
On my last summer as a kid, finding a job, and why being 21 is a scam
Hey Everyone! Long time no chat, but Iām so happy to be back for the summer and am commiting to writing and publishing more. Feel free to subscribe or send me a message if you want to connect. For now, here is a recient reflection on the beginning of summer as a college student. Much love to you all!
This week is both the third week of being home for the summer and, at least in my opinion, the official start to summer. The week after memorial day is filled with the overwhelming potential each summer holds. Perfect 75 degree days and clear blue skies. Yet, I find myself inside the house sulking. Well Iām not sure if itās officially sulking, but Iām doing that thing that all kids do when they donāt have anything to do. Laying around in sweatpants, scrolling endlessly, and feeling bad for myself because I donāt have any plans.
And unfortunately Iām perfectly aware that I sound ridiculous. This is truly my last official summer. And, for some reason, Iām convincing myself that I feel terrible and unmotivated.
As someone who donāt have a lot of friends at home (thatās a whole different can of worms), has absolutely no idea what she wants to do with her life, doesnāt have any hobbies because there is definitely no time for that during the school year, and is constantly feeling pressure to be āproductiveā, I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself when I have an hours of free time.
To be fair, itās not totally true that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I do have vague aspirations and goals (as much as any 21 year old does) and other things Iād love to learn and get better at that I donāt have time for when Iām at school. But I have two issues: the job and internship market is absolutely horrendous and, when I donāt have any official schedule, it feels close to impossible to motivate myself to do anything that feels like āworkā, despite it being things that I would actually enjoy.
To touch a little bit more on that first point; I just finished my junior year of college which means I am starting to think more seriously about the future: personally, career wise, post-grad options, all of the above. Something, that until quite recently, felt very very far off. And which basically means I need to start getting more experience in the field I want to go into (sorry 16 year old Julia, lifeguarding isnāt actually going to get you that far).
So, as one does, I brainstormed a list of jobs/experience I wanted to get this summer, sent out a couple of job applications, and heard backā¦ absolutely nothing. And as someone who has only applied for 2 jobs in her life time (because I worked the same one for 4 years), this was disappointing to say the least. Since those initial applications, I have sent out probably around 30 more. And the majority of those places I had to email about possible openings because NO ONE IS HIGHERING. And sure I could go and get a job at Starbucks or a grocery store. But also, I have the time and opportunity now to pursue something Iām more interested in that might not be as steady.
As a kinesiology student and someone considering physical therapy school, I contacted gyms to work at their front desks, fitness and yoga studios studios, and PT clinics in hopes that I could shadow. Out of all those emails and applications I probably got 5 responses and was lucky enough to follow through with two places. But God damn.
I can admit that this is probably my first taste of the real word, but rejection sucks. And I understand that itās just how it works, but it stings to constantly get told no, that thereās no position openings, that theyāre not looking for someone just over the summer, that theyāre not interested in my application, and just blatantly ignored.
Like I said though, I was very lucky to be able to pursue two places that I heard back from. One is a private physical therapy clinic that is allowing me to come in and show during sessions, and the other is a barre studio where Iām working the front desk. Both of which Iām absolutely loving and are helping me understand more about what direction I may want to go in the future. But, because thereās always a kicker, neither are paid and Iām working only around 12 hours a week.
I feel very lucky to have stumbled into these two opportunities, but all the rejection and effort I put into trying to find something honestly was a bit defeating. Itās started to feel like Iāll never be good enough, ready, or prepared for my dream job. That thereās something wrong with me as an applicant. If itās this hard to find a summer job, how hard is it to find a real job? And thereās also the ever present issue of companies only hiring people with experience, and there not being any place to actually start. Itās just so many overwhelming factors and, honestly, fear.
And then we come back to my 21 year old first world issue of having no idea what to do with myself when Iām not āworkingā (which is way more often than not seeing that I work like max 3 hours a day 5 days a week, if Iām lucky). During the school year, Iām constantly doing something. And if Iām not doing something, Iām thinking about the next thing that needs to get done. There is such little down time, that I usually have no problem filling it with a TV show or Instagram. But thatās not the case over the summer.
Unfortunately, itās gotten to the point where I basically have no hobbies, donāt know what my interests are outside of school work, and anything I try to do for fun, soon after starts to feel like an assignment. Which pretty much defeats the whole purpose of doing something casually and for enjoyment.
And these are the two never ending cycles: one of laziness and not knowing how to cope with having time off, and the other āassigningā myself things to do for fun but quickly growing tired. And I donāt think Iām the only one who struggles with it, itās definitely a societal issue. This whole culture around optimization and doing something today that your future self will thank you for. Well Iām not sure weāre ever going to reach tomorrow, but at least now I donāt know how to take a deep breath and spiral at the thought of not being productive (I think Iām going to ban that word from my vocabulary this summer).
Okay, so reeling it back. This post went down a bit of a rabbit hole on something I could talk about for hours, but the point is Iām home for the summer, Iām not a teenager anymore, and I feel like Iām already failing at life. And thatās just the epitome of being in your 20s.
What I think Iāll benefit the most from this summer is just trying to romanticize it, slowing down and learning to breathe deeply again, being comfortable in uncertain situations. Something that I got into every summer thinking Iāll do but never quite accomplish. Let me know if you guys would like a future post on how Iām going to work on these things! By the end of the summer, I know Iāll feel the most fulfilled as long as I take advantage of this time at home in the sun, discovering some hobbies, and not dwelling too much on the future. Because, all things considered, I know itāll all work out with time.
Alright, thatās all for now. Talk later :)
<3 Julia
I also just finished my junior year of college and have been reaching out and trying to network with like minded people.. I also sent so many emails and didnāt get a ton of feedback š I have faith we will find our way though!! Wishing you luck āØ